two years of real life

posted in: on being a wife | 0

Two years ago, today, I married the man of my dreams.

Most people wondered if I really knew that to be true. We had only met a few short months before. How could I be so sure? How could I possibly know everything I needed to know about him?

Sometimes I step back and marvel that even in the midst of the chaos and frustration, the ups and downs, the tears and laughter, I have never once had a moment of regret. Never once have I thought back and wished I knew him better before. Or thought, “If I only had known this fact – that would have changed everything.” Not once.

Even after two years –
after the transition to Jordan being Hadley’s dad,
a miscarriage,
an emotional pregnancy,
a move to the country,
a two-week roadtrip of arguing discussing all of our differences,
the transition to being a full-time stay-at-home mom,
Adrienne’s birth,
sleepless nights,
dying cats,
another pregnancy,
another miscarriage,
endless tears and arguments,
foster care,
more sleepless nights,
a dramatic five-year-old,
another pregnancy,
and all the fear that comes with it after two miscarriages,
crazy hormones,
the pursuit of an adoption that didn’t pan out,
more tears,
6-foot snow drifts,
and lots and lots of fun –
even after all of that –
and so much more –

I do not look back and wonder, “What if.”¬†Instead I look back and marvel at the God we serve – at the grace that stoops down and rescues us even in the midst of the mundane reality of daily family life. And then I marvel at that sweet, sweet Father who blessed me with this man. This. Man. To walk through all of this with. To help me grow and remind me of the purpose of our journey. To make me angrier than anyone in the world so I am forced to face the roots of my anger. To make me happier than anyone in the world so I am forced to face the depths of my idolatry. To bear the brunt of so much of my sin so that he can shower me with endless forgiveness and remind me of the goodness of God’s grace.

This man.

Oh, Jordan Dahl, this is real life, huh?
It’s hard and it’s messy and so not what we expected.
But it’s sweet, isn’t it?
Some days, when we stop and take the time to see it?

Every day I am reminded of what a blessing you are to me. And today especially so, as I remember walking down the aisle to meet you. I remember the joy and the excitement and the butterflies that sometimes we forget – sometimes they get buried amidst diapers and consequences and exhaustion and the all-around crazy.

But I am so deeply thankful for that day, and every day that has followed –

every day that I have had the privilege of being your wife.