Do I say that enough?
It’s not in the same no-energy-no-motivation way as it was pre-B12. And not in the same up-14-times-per-night-with-a-baby kind of tired. It’s not even these-kids-are-making-me-crazy tired. It’s just…tired. Not hopeless – quite hopeful, actually. Not joyless either, most of the time. But the kind of tired that creeps into your soul and you can’t explain it, you just feel…weary.
God is working me over. and over again. and again. and while the lessons are sweet, they’re exhausting, and they keep coming. As I experience what seems like “progress,” some sin I hadn’t thought about for awhile rears its ugly head. Life settles down and then minor tragedies reveal the hidden mess of my heart. And as I hold fast to Christ it starts to feel like the picture a friend so adequately described to me a few weeks back – nails in, clinging for dear life.
It’s fitting that when I had some time alone last week but struggled to find words to write, I decided to look over my notes from Orlando again. I reviewed the workshop I attended covering a theological approach to the Sabbath. I got to really listen since Alisa offered to take Adrienne during that session, and I had forgotten just how much I enjoyed it.
Mary Wilson walked through God’s gift of the Sabbath, the heart and intent behind it, and the way it was abused and exploited by God’s people. She looked at the ways in which we try to manufacture artificial rest. And then she showed how God fulfills the sign of the Sabbath by giving his people ultimate Sabbath rest in the Person and work of Jesus Christ, who is Lord of the Sabbath.
So as God often meets me in my mess, in the midst of a restless week, my Bible reading plan led me to Matthew 11:
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
(Matthew 11:28-30 ESV)
And the next day, after little sleep and in the face of what would become a full and exhausting day, I read Matthew 12, where Jesus shows that He is Lord of the Sabbath, and Genesis 2, where God rests upon completing creation. It reminded me of the truth that Wilson pointed out – that Jesus showed what God intended for the Sabbath and fulfilled the realities of the Sabbath. HE became the resting place. As he says in Matthew 12, something greater than the temple is here! He finished the work of redemption on the cross and achieved rest for the restless. God gives us present rest in Christ and the hope of future rest with Him.
So though we long for a future resting place, we can rest now in Jesus.
I am weary and restless, but He is not.
And one day, we will know the hope to which He has called us.
Because we will see Him face to face.
And He will make all things new.