my hope is built

About a year ago, Jordan and I found out that I was pregnant.  We were thrilled – excited to expand our family so quickly.  Just a week or so after the happy realization, however, I miscarried.  I never could have imagined the sense of sadness and disappointment that would bring.  I felt more devastated than I thought I should.  I tried to cling desperately to Jesus during that time, and leaned on my husband more than I knew I could, but it was hard to snap out of it.

One night as I cried, Jordan asked me, “Where is our hope found?”  I responded that I was not without hope, I just felt overwhelmed with sadness.  I quoted 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 as a way of reassuring my own heart:

So we do not lose heart.  Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

Later, as his question echoed through my head and I tried to honestly reflect on where I was finding my hope, the words of the hymn “The Solid Rock” came to mind – “My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.”  I asked Jordan if we could sing it during our “family time” and the words brought a strange mix of comfort and conviction.  It became a family time favorite and has since been a reminder of the hope Jesus spoke into my heart during a deeply painful time.

So as spring arrives and I look into the eyes of our 3-month old baby, I’ve reflected a lot on those feelings last year.  Maybe someday I’ll be able to share all that I learned through it, but right now that all still feels very personal.  Instead, I’ll share the words of the hymn, which I’ve added to my project to be sure I can sing all the verses.

Hymn #2: The Solid Rock
Edward Mote, 1834

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

You can read the background of the hymn here.

On the subject of hope, last year sometime, I also listened to a sermon by John Piper on 1 Peter 3 which asked me the same question: where is my hope found?  Am I trying to muster up the strength to submit to my husband, to have a gentle and quiet spirit on my own?  Or is it flowing out of a deeply rooted hope in the Lord?  It’s one I recommend for all women.

And one more.  Today I read this blog and it feels related.  How we pray so deeply reflects where we hope.  So I thought I’d share that too. 🙂